Hello, everyone. It's been a while. How are you? Hope you're doing well. If you're not, I want you to know that it's fine to feel not fine.

I just finished my first semester of degree. I was actually glad I still survived. I was actually glad having online class that I don't need to meet my classmates face-to-face since it does take so much social energy from me, and I'm scared that I stumbled lots of words and cause misunderstandings, which it happened a lot in the past that I made people around me feel uncomfortable. I'm still trying my best to understand myself. Taking my pace slowly since everything just happened so fast that I thought I hadn't start anything. I did promise to write more but self-care is my priority for the time being. I don't know. I'm scared of falling again even I was determined to be better. People always said don't push yourself too hard. Some people can agree and disagree. Me? I just don't make up my mind and always ended up overthinking even after making decision. But I know, this too shall pass. Even if it's not sooner or later, I'll  just should focus myself first. That's why self-care is important. 

Besides gaming, I do love listening to music. Recently, I've been listening to Dreamcatcher's songs. Yes, they are K-pop girl group, but their songs include rock, metal and EDM elements. Their lyrics are deep and meaningful, which relates to us so much! They just released new song titled Odd Eye. The lyrics are something about illusion and reality, which mostly refer to the Internet/social medias. Everything we see on the internet is just an illusion, since we do not know the reality of the illusion. People post their smiling face with their friends or family picture, but then they suddenly don't post like forever due to personal problems. For me, Odd Eye can be meaning as two-faced. Since we all pretend to be okay on the outside, but we never tell people that we suffer so much. In the end, we're trapped in darkness of ourselves aka our own dystopia, and never find our own utopia. That's why in the lyrics they added "No more Utopia". 

I know a lot of us are feeling envy or jealous whenever we see pictures that look perfect. People having great body, tons of food pics, doing business, having great time with friends or family or partners, etc. I tend to feel jealous and try not to compare myself. I underestimate my self-esteem. I tried to post something, but I always archived. To be honest, I just want to show my so-called friends who I really am now. Yes, I know I was cocky in the past. But I've changed to somewhat more calm. I asked myself, "Why did I befriend with them in first place?". I still view the world as illusion even tho it's so realistic. I wanted to run away from everything. I wanted to be in my own world. I guess that's why I've been oversleeping and always feeling tired. Oh well, more sleep to run away from reality.