I'm not sure where to start. I just had no idea. I thought I won't feel depressed again since I'm moving on with life but am I lying to myself again? I try to accept the new environment, new change, new friends, just new things in general. It did help me to understand more, the fear pulled me into the black hole. Again. 

There was this one time when a counselor messaged me to make an appointment. I did the DASS (Depression Anxiety Stress Scale) test with other students at my university. I was being honest with the test. I didn't expect to have my depression level at severe. My anxiety and stress were average but not severe yet. I guess that's why the counselor wanted to have an appointment. Unfortunately, it didn't happen as I had morning class for that time and pandemic. I thought it was the time for me to pull down my shield but at the same time I wasn't ready.

The feeling of loneliness
The feeling of emptiness
The feeling of being an idiot

As time goes by, I started to not care as much. No, it's not that I'll stop be a human. I'm just afraid of being heartless, soulless person. I just want to survive. I don't know if there'll be another chance for me. I'll try to understand myself. Maybe I'll get better again. I hope so...